


Why Are You My Clarity?

by MissJanjie



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23060551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissJanjie/pseuds/MissJanjie
Summary: this is a two part drabble i wrote on tumblr, but i really like it as a cohesive little oneshot
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	Why Are You My Clarity?

“So, how’s Vegas been treating you?” Brooke sat in front of his laptop with Skype open, watching Vanessa on the screen. “Not overworking yourself too much?”

Vanessa grinned and shook his head. He was sitting at his desk in a terry cloth robe and damp hair, having jumped on the call almost straight out of the shower. “I’ve been good, I promise,” he assured. “You seeing both my shows this weekend?”

He frowned. “Both? I thought you just had a show on Friday.”

“Saturday too,” he corrected, shaking his head. “Weekends got the biggest crowds, you know that.”

Brooke looked down in disappointment. “Can’t one of the other girls sub in for you?” He asked. “You said that I’d get to have you all weekend. Why can’t you just tell them you can’t go?”

“Because it’s my job, and it’s important,” he rolled his eyes. Sure, there would’ve been a time where he would have relished in the fact that Brooke wanted to spend more time with him to the point where he wanted to be picked over a gig. But now it just seemed to get in his way and put him in an awkward position.

“And I’m not?” He pouted, then chuckled and shook his head. “No, but really, I’m proud of you, your work ethic is beyond reproach. I’ve just missed my Vanjie,” he cooed.

Vanessa clicked his tongue and looked down. “I’m the Flamingo’s Vanjie, boo. And you’re gonna see why when you get here.”

He couldn’t quite explain why, but Brooke felt a sudden, sharp pang of sadness hit his chest. Vanessa had never distanced himself so flippantly like that, his flirtation never went unreciprocated. It would sound crazy to say he was jealous of that, because that wasn’t even the right word, but it stirred up feelings he did not want to address. “I sure will,” he replied softly.

“Listen, I gotta finish getting ready. Gotta be in the van in fifteen. I’ll see you Friday, though,” they exchanged goodbyes and signed off, and he went on to the show just like any other night.

Backstage, the queens were, unsurprisingly, checking their social media. Some were posting, others were going through their feeds. Of course, it was Asia who called out “Hey Vanjie, Brooke Lynn posted that she’s coming to see the show on Friday, you ready for that?”

Vanessa scoffed. “Of course I’m ready, bitch. She told me first. Don’t go making shit weird, though. I know how you is on social media,” he warned. 

“So, you guys are for good done?” Yvie asked.

“That train has left the goddamn station, thank you very much. I told y’all, no more fucking around in 2020, ain’t no one gonna waste my time,” he paused, realling it in. “But Brooke Lynn’s still my friend, I don’t see no harm in catching up.”

“Oh I’m sure you’ll be ‘catching up’, Asia retorted, making a blowjob-like gesture with his hand and mouth. 

“Fuck off! Y’all ain’t got no faith in me,” Vanessa laughed and shook his head. “You all gon’ see.”

\------

“Look who I found!” Asia was filming as he brought Brooke back into the dressing room with the rest of the queens. “We’re gonna have a little reunion tonight, aren’t we? Y’all can have a little bit of branjie, as a treat.”

“Oh she gonna get the internet all riled up again, here we go,” Vanessa laughed, but got up and gave Brooke a hug. What he didn’t notice was Brooke had started to lean in for a kiss as well. 

Brooke tried to play it off and act like he hadn’t, watching Vanessa perch back on his chair and take a sip of his iced coffee. Brooke silently reassured himself that it wasn’t intentional, or that if it was, it was to not cause a stir while they were being filmed. 

After hamming it up for another minute or so, Asia did leave to give them a chance to actually reunite.

“How you been? Flight treat you good?” Vanessa asked casually. 

Brooke nodded and leaned against the table. “Everything was fine, just glad I’m here.”

They’d only been chatting for a few minutes when a couple of Vanessa’s backup dancers came in. And they were perfectly nice with how they greeted Brooke, but one of them stood with his hands on Vanessa’s shoulders, occasionally rubbing or squeezing them.

And Brooke wasn’t the jealous type - especially since as the ex-boyfriend, he had no right to be jealous of any way any man touched him. But there was something about how casually affectionate they all were, how he giggled and flirted nonchalantly. And he was still included in the conversation, Vanessa was as kind and charming as ever, but something felt different. Something brought up those unpleasant feelings he had on their last Skype call.

Then it hit; Vanessa had moved on. 

That was it. Vanessa didn’t see him as a potential lover anymore, he saw him as a friend. And that was the way it was supposed to be, right? That’s what they kept telling everyone, what they kept insisting despite how little their friends believed them. He thought he would be relieved to finally settle that. But he didn’t.

 _Oh_. Oh no.

This was the opposite of what he wanted. It took Vanessa getting over him to realize _he_ was the one not over it. And he felt selfish, it wouldn’t be fair to try to say something now, right?

“Brooke?”

And he’d been lost in thought too. Great. “Sorry, what?”

“I asked if you’re ready to see the show.”

“Right, yeah. Break a leg out there,” he gave Vanessa a quick hug before shuffling out to his seat. He had a lot to think about, and it was going to be a long weekend.

\------

“You’re being like, super weird.”

Brooke looked at Yvie and cocked his brow. “Coming from you, I’ll take that with a grain of salt,” he retorted, then looked away and cleared his throat. “Do you think Vanjie would tell me if he started dating again?” 

Yvie let out a laugh. “Fuck, I should’ve called it. Of course that’s what this is about. You’re really still hung up on him, huh?”

“That’s the thing! I thought I wasn’t, but now that he’s moving on, it made me realize that I actually haven’t. And I hate it, I really hate it. Because I don’t want to keep pulling him back into something that may or may not work out. But I still want to spend time with him and everything, but I don’t know if it’ll be in good faith since I’m not feeling ‘just friends’ anymore,” he sighed in exasperation. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, I’m going to give you advice I know you won’t take. Just relax and don’t overthink it. You’re both adults. 

Brooke groaned. “That does _not_ help at all.”

He shrugged and looked at the reflection in the mirror. “Well figure something out, we’ve got company.” 

Vanessa smiled and came up between the two of them, putting a hand on each of their shoulders. “Y’all talking shit?”

“Always,” Brooke chuckled and wrapped his arms around Vanessa’s waist. He didn’t pull from his grasp, which he found reassuring. “You almost ready to go? I wanna see that kitty of yours,” he cooed. 

“See? Told y’all he still wants my pussy,” Vanessa joked as he went and grabbed his jacket. 

Yvie looked between them, then gave Brooke a knowing look and clicked his tongue. “So I’ve heard,” he remarked, ignoring the daggers Brooke shot at him. 

Vanessa was oblivious, throwing his bag together and heading towards the door. “We’ll see you later,” he waved Yvie off as he motioned for Brooke to follow him out. “What’d you think of the show?”

Brooke looped his arm back around his waist as they walked. “You were absolutely fantastic, but you already know how flawlessly you perform,” he hummed, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

He beamed brightly at the praise, leaning into Brooke’s side. He was always tired and more cuddly after the shows - that was his defense, anyway. Ex or not, Brooke was warm and familiar, he couldn’t help but melt into his touch. He could claim he was over him until he was blue in the face, but he still missed being close to him. 

And they were still linked closely by the time they returned to Vanessa’s apartment. “You wanna meet Thackery?” Vanessa asked with a broad grin, eyes scanning the room for the kitten. “Aha! There you are,” he grinned, scooping him up and cradling him like a baby.

“Oh my god, how cute!” Brooke bounced on his feet, leaning close to pet the purring cat. If nothing else, he was able to forget all of his worries when he focused on the small animal. Pets just had that sort of effect on him. “Adorable, just like his daddy.” 

Vanessa chuckled as he set the now squirmy cat down. “You still as big a flirt as ever, huh?” 

Brooke blushed. Sure, he wasn’t being subtle, but it was a little embarrassing to be called out on it. “Well, can you blame me?” He retorted in hopes of a smooth recovery. “After watching you look all sexy and confident on stage, I can’t help it.” 

“You ain’t nothing but trouble, you know that?” Vanessa chuckled as he sat down on the couch. 

_“I’m_ trouble?” He put his hand to his chest with a dramatically offended gasp. “That’s pretty rich coming from you,” he teased as he sat beside him. 

“Maybe, but I own it,” Vanessa retorted. “You be acting all coy and sweet, luring me back into your trap every damn time. All sneaky and shit.” 

Brooke frowned. “You make me sound so evil,” he whined playfully. “Come on, admit it, you still like it.” 

“Ain’t gonna pretend the attention don’t feel good.” 

He reached across Vanessa’s body and put his hand on his hip, lightly rubbing up his side. “I like making you feel good,” he hummed. 

Vanessa swallowed thickly. “You don’t know when to quit, do you?” He tried to move from Brooke’s touch, but his body just wouldn’t allow it. 

“I can’t quit you,” he cooed. 

“Don’t you _Brokeback Mountain_ me, B,” he giggled and pushed his chest lightly. “I seen what goes down in that tent.”

Brooke chuckled as his hand moved up Vanessa’s side. “Nothing that hasn’t gone down between us already,” he pointed out. 

Vanessa sighed, laying his head down on Brooke’s shoulder. “A bunch of times over at that,” he murmured. “Keeps fucking us over though, don’t it?”

Maybe it was that sort of self-awareness that helped Vanessa move on, Brooke thought. None of their encounters - romantic, sexual, or otherwise - ever ended well. Obviously, or they would still be together, and it had only taken until now for Brooke to realize that was what he wanted. “Only if we let it.”

“What are you trynna say?” Vanessa spoke barely above a whisper, his heart leaping into his throat. He wanted to be angry, he _desperately_ wanted to be angry that he would even suggest getting back together. Not now, not after everything he’d gone through to work all the hurt it had caused him. 

“I’m saying… maybe we’ve grown as people. Maybe we need one more try to get it right.”

And there it was. Something that, despite it all, Vanessa had longed to hear. He swore he could feel his resolve crumbling, like the strong outer shell he’d built up cracked and the same needy, vulnerable version of himself that would hop back in bed with Brooke at the drop of a dime was exposed. “Why now?”

“Because…” Brooke sighed, looking down. He felt guilty, of course he did. But he’d started this, he had to see it through. “Seeing you not need me made me realize how much I need you. And I know it isn’t fair to you to drop this on you now but… well, there it is.”

“You’re not gonna go off and do blow again, are you?”

“That’s not--” he shook his head. They’d had this fight enough times already. “Never again. Listen, I know how it felt to fuck things up with you,” he took Vanessa’s hands and held them tight. “It eats me alive whenever I think about how I hurt you, and I know I don’t deserve another chance but--”

Vanessa cut him off by pressing a kiss to his lips. “Just shut the fuck up and let this happen,” he murmured without breaking contact, resuming the kiss right after. This could very well be the definition of insanity, he knew what he was getting into. But at the end of the say, he didn’t care. He was still in love with Brooke, and deep down, he knew he’d never stopped. 

And Brooke had never felt such a sense of relief in his life. His hands moved to cup Vanessa’s face, holding him in the embrace for as long as he could. This was either the beginning of the end, or the beginning of their happy ending.


End file.
